Story #6: Tony Romo the Toe-Truck Driver

The backstory behind these twisted tales can be found here.
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^JFOnce there was an intelligent elephant who had a shot of honey-lickin' icey sticklin' wine and all of a sudden ^JLa tarantula ran over the large toenail of the intelligent elephant very quickly and hopped up on a log to speak with Frank ^CJthe Fireman- he was chopping wood with his axe so he could make a brace for the elephant's toenail.

First it was too small, so he made a new one. ^MFThe elephant still was not pleased, so he called a 'toe'-truck! He waited for an hour-and-a-half. Finally the driver showed up, and who was it? Tony Romo, who did this in the off-season. ^LA Tony was moonlighting as a toe-truck driver. He knew his football career was going so be short-lived because he dumped Jessica Simpson.

^KJ“My name is Tony Romo, well, whatever! New story! There once was a man named John. He stood 6-foot 4-inches tall and weighted 260. ^MeHe changed his name to Tony Romo. . . .wait! . . .not Tony! He makes microwave pizzas, not plays on the field. . . . especially when Jessica Simpson is around.”

A Soccer Snuffer

Under the cookie moon?

Family Story #5: The De-Evolution of Man

The backstory behind these twisted tales can be found here.
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Story #5: The De-Evolution of Man, Fast-Forward-ed

^KJIn the beginning of time, God created man. After a minute ^MeHe became very distracted by the task of creating dogs, cats, and jellyfish. Woman was the last thing on his mind, but man ^JFwas made in the image of the Almighty, and so man changed the names of the animals to gibberish sounding onomatopoeias.

^JLThe elephants became “elfnomipus,” the flamingos became “freepontaneeze,” and the ^CJgrizzly bears became “go-go gonzos”. . . . then they ate the seatbelts out of Jennifer's Civic. Jennifer didn't mind, though, because she loved them. She took her civic to the car wash to detail it.

When they got home ^MFthey began to drink Smirnoffs.

“You better not drink more than 4!” she told Kirk, “otherwise you're out of here!”

Daniel then pulled out his homemade wine, which he sold ^LAfor three dollars.

Lynn said, “Right good wine for three dollars!”

The Smirnoffs, on the other hand, send Kirk out of control. He managed to get thrown out.

Favre

Family Story #4: Sleepwalking for Peppermints

The backstory behind these twisted tales can be found here.
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Story #4: Sleepwalking for Peppermints

^CJI went to the park to day and I saw a giant snake. When I saw it I screamed because a man was beating it with a stick. ^MFHe was screaming, “Darn you, snake! Darn you, snake!”

I asked the man, “Why are you beating the snake and swearing at it?”

He said to me, “I ^LAdon't know, but if this darned snake bites me again, I'm gunna kill it!”

^KJCrap. . . it's dead. So I kept walking and walking and walking, then it happened. I went to sleep. . . or maybe I was dying. I woke up and it was hot. ^MeEspecially my feet, they burned like a jalapeño pepper pizza on the third day (if you know what I mean.)

^JFBut watch out for those anchovies. My hands were not singed a bit, thankfully. So I decided to do a walking handstand, just to make ^JLthe guests thoroughly entertained. Oh, indeed, they did enjoy it. And everyone left the gathering with joy and laughter and anchovy breath. . . . so I offered peppermints.

Hal Itosis

 

PS- for anyone curious, that "blob that looks like a butterfly," as my wife described it, in yesterday's drawing, was supposed two be two hearts changing color where they merge. . . :+)

My Chemical Romance

Romance is a chemical
                                     ReAcTiOn
Emotional reflux
            Love is a concious
Redaction
Of me from the equation
        of us

Original

 

Inverted

 Values Inverted

Jared Loughner

Click to read, small print.

Four Fast Faces

An exercise in time management with calligraphy pens- ugh

Family Story #3

The backstory behind these twisted tales can be found here.

Kudos to Cindy for ending this monster gracefully!

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Story #3: From the Snails of Gomorrah to the Ponds of Elmira

^MFIf I had known then what I know now, I never would have gotten out of bed this morning! This day started out like any other day- shower, breakfast- and then ^LA BOOM! Dealing with my kooky in-laws from Texas. They were so far over the top backwards ^KJI thought I would kill them. Then it happened- I went nuts. I yelled at Nanny when she took my cookie. . . and threw a snail. ^MeThe snails rained down like charcoal briquettes on Sodom & Gomorrah. Everyone in the world got a black eye, some even got shiners. Kirk video taped the ^JFwhole fiasco and somehow Olivia shook violently off the couch just in time to dodge the vomit shooting out of Jenena's mouth. So much for Sodom & Gomorrah.

^JLSodom & Gomorrah! -WHAT?!? Are you serious? There's no possible way my little hoodlums will grow up in a town with such crazy names! They would be much better off growing up in villages called Elmira ^CJor Hit-a-lick.

Then their legs were on fire so they went swimming, happy they now had a new home in Elmira.

Big Pharma

 

Click the pic to view full size, this might be a little hard to read.

J20 Fighter

So I thought I'd try my hand at a political toon.  The backstory can be found here if it doesn't register on your radar (he he.)

Scarves

Graphite is so stinkin' messy!  I had a smudgefest trying to add detail to this thing.  And my penmanship apparently hasn't improved since 1st grade.

I was able to fix the gray face by Gimping it, tho. . . .

A Secret?

  Today's lesson learned, and inverted.

 

She Winks

It's sort of creepy, but I like swapping body parts around just to see what happens.  Bear with me. . . .

Gimping the scan into a mosaic gives it sort of a three dimensional look.

Dustbunnies and The Eye

Despite the graphite-grey-smudge factor, I stuck with the pencil today.  I had a lot of fun with the Dustbunny by inverting and then "colorizing" it in Gimp.

 

 And the eye:

Clicking on a pic should bring the full size up in your browser, more detail is shown, but I think some of these look better shrunk down, anyway.

Resolution 2011

It's resolution time again.  In years past I've resolved to abstain from certain things (e.g. french fries in 2008, carbonated soft drinks in 2009).  2010 was supposed to be the year of poetry, posted here at ES.  That went fairly well but when quality began suffering for the sake of quantity, I cut it short at 6 months to focus on other projects.

Over the last year, doodling has become a hobby, particularly during scheduling meetings at work.  The bulletin board in my office has amassed a number of oddball sketches.  They seem to get better, the more I do it, so I'm going to make a resolve to attempt a drawing a day.  We'll shoot for 6 months, initially.

I like to imagine being able to draw with the warm simplicity of Edward Monkton, the abstract mysticism of Salvador Dali, explosive poignancy of Ralph Steadman, and within as many dimensions as M.C. Escher.  As you can tell from my first sketch of the year below, I'm barely channeling a thumbless third grader.  That said, a number of folks at the office have found my oddball doodles entertaining-  I hope you enjoy them!

 Lessons Learned:  Pencil isn't the best medium for scanning, but Gimp does a good job of blurring the grainy resolution.  And it's really 2011, not 201 1.