Net Bum

We've moved into a little house
But we still lack internet
So today I'm bumming free wi-fi
Inside Panera Bread.


Note: We're completely moved, but won't have internet set up at the new place until Wednesday.  That's no excuse for missing yesterday's though, I can still post by phone.  I just forgot. 

Rhymeless

I plop myself down
Intending to write
But words just aren't coming
I can't sit here all night!
I try stroking by beard-
It's a new nervous habit
And give up, 'cause I can't
Think of what rhymes with 'rabbit.'

Back and Forth

Love is sharp
For one so blind 
Between a shotgun mouth
And a one-track mind.

Fur the Love of a Dog!

It's hot in this house
The dog's losing her hair
Like a cloud of asbestos
It drifts through the air
To settle on furniture
To clump on the carpet
I can brush 'till I cramp
But that still doesn't stop it
The ten-second rule
Is made void by the flurry
For any bite dropped
Becomes instantly furry.

Dear Rodney

This is for my dear friend Rodney
Who tells me he doesn't like poetry
No Dr. Suess?  No Silverstein?
To dislike Frost is near obscene!
You haven't read until you know
The Raven of Edgar Allen Poe.
If Ogden Nash can't make you snicker,
My friend, you'd better check your ticker.
There's Wordsworth, Dickinson, Angelou,
William Blake and Langston Hughes
David and Shakespeare, poets true
And the writers of all songs loved by you
So roses are red and violets are blue
Rodney likes poetry more than he knew.

Government Brownies

You want to give Uncle Sam
Control of your health?
Let him suck you dry
And buy votes with the wealth?
In Washington there exists
No simple solution
To save the whole world
From war and pollution.
Upon freedom's head
Power's the bounty
Regulation will reign
Like in their recipe for brownies.

Rotten Birds

The poor birdies that were chirping
In our kitchen-vent last week
Never flew and they began
To really, REALLY reek.
Today I pulled them from the ceiling
Gagging on the vapor.
Understated, I can say
T'was a very nasty caper.

After the Tourney

In Rochester, New York

Without pen or paper

I feel sort of naked

But it's good to relax

To a soothing jazz trio

After a long gritty day

Of rugby

Long Day

I worked eleven hours on a Friday
I really think that it should be a crime
Even when employers want to pay me
A large amount of well-earned overtime.

Rogue Rodent

Check this headline out first 

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What if Russians reared the rat that ran
Right past the presidents pulpit
And it's sneaking spy supplies inside
To hide in his suit pockets?
Don't fear, my friend, it won't get far
Before it finds its fate
For Castro's Cuban crafted cat
Is crouching in her crate.

Seattle's Worst

(Click here to see their new logo)


What were you thinking,
Seattle's Best?
Your spanking-new logo
Resembles a breast
Or one drop of milk
In a cereal bowl
Or a fresh slice of apple
With a weird little hole.
Revert to the classic
At least, won't you nix it?
And remember the saying
If ain't broke, don't fix it.

Grizzly's Retort

Inch by inch
It grows again
Crawling from
Beneath my skin
Inching downward
From my chin
Adding volume
To my face
Soon my head
Will be encased
By this mass
Of bushy hair
How long will
I leave it there?
Don't even ask
You saucy knave!
'Cause until I get
The urge to shave
I'll let it grow
And flow in waves
Like a giant
Sheave of wheat
Reaching down
To brush my feet
Yes, it sounds
A little weird
That's the nature
Of a beard.

Cuz That's How I Stroll

It's cloudy outside
But I'm braving the weather
The dog needs a walk.

Air It Exercise

 Weird, I know. . . . another exercise in similar sounds.

--------------------------------------------
A rare rat, with a sharp wit
If you dare to dare it,
Lassos parrots with lariats
On nights that are star-lit
While riding a ferret.
Often he'll share it
With a fat cat named Ararat
That earns him a merit
He can use to buy carrots
Come on, grin and bear it!

Seeing Colors

Painting, painting all day long
Filling freshly painted rooms
With a motley mix of fumes
Can create giant Kilz-bong.

For the Birds

There are birdies in my hoodvent
I hear them chirp and peep
When their mama comes to feed them
They really start to squeak
The critters, they are growing
Getting louder every day
I'm hoping that the little guys
Will soon up and fly away
Before I up and hit the switch
To make some feather Purée.

Seasonal

Thank God for springtime
When the Earth comes back to life
For a little while.

A Different Kind of Jar-Head

Gooey, oily, smooth, brown
Salty, and tasty- spread it 'round
On cookies, crackers, waffles, bread
Or spoon it straight into your head
My stomach'll growl if you so much as utter
"Peanut butter"

Chicken of the Sea

Does anyone else love tuna?
It's the chicken of the sea
I've always wanted to see one
I can imagine just how it would be.
I bet it has eyes that are yellow,
A scaley beak, ten feet long,
Lots of waterproof feathers,
Webbed orange talons, and a bright blue comb
I'm sure that they lay giant eggs
So huge, in fact, that I bet
You could feed ten off one egg of that hen's
Now that is a gi-normous omelett!

Cultural Mish-Mash

Hola! Que pasa?
Let's cook some pasta
Pour on Alfredo
Hold the tomatoes
Dump it in corn shells
Add peppers, mix well
And then just for kicks
We'll eat with chopsticks.

Memo From Candyland

They say life is like a box of chocolates
We never know what we're getting
Maybe it's true, but you know what's neat?
Every piece is sweet.

At the Drive-In

Nothing's like a drive-in movie
It's retro, it's cozy, it's groovy
But I tend to be thrifty
So if I pay seven-fifty
Staying awake will behoove thee!

Our net is down
But I won't groan
For I am posting
With my phone
Goodnight!

Redneck and Peppers

Remember that old jingle that was fun to sing as a kiddo, but never really made sense?

Here it is:  This Old Man

And a tune, with its own music video in case you've never heard it here.

And here's my own version.  It doesn't make any more sense than the original, and it's quite tasteless.  But you don't have to eat it, so that really doesn't matter, does it?  I need to go to bed. . .

--------------------------
This redneck
He ate one
Steam shot right out of his bum
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate two
And felt it later when he poo'd
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate three
Though Mama told him "Let them be!"
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate four
Then rolled around the kitchen floor
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate five
He screwed up and wiped his eyes
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate six
To get that masochistic fix
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate seven
Then they went all over Kevin
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate eight
And ate and ate and ate and ate
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate nine
When he dies, his Beemer's mine
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

This redneck
He ate ten
Washed them down with coke and gin
Palomino-Jalapeño gawkers stand aghast
Get that guy some ice-cream fast.

Just Beastly

Beauty and The Beast
Sometimes beauty is a beast
Beasts can be beauties.

Can You Spot the Common Theme?

Candy
Regulation
Antiques
Politics

Credit
Road rage
Anti-semitism
Preservatives

Cap and trade
Rap music
Artificial sweetners
Pessimism

Communism
Relativism
Aging
Pollution

The Minimalist's Dilemma

Sweet simplicity
Is so darn complicated
In this day and age.

A Temperature Pantrum

It's relatively cool
Compared to the South
But hot as hell's arctic
Upstairs in this house.
Northeners tend to take
Winters in stride
But without an A/C
This summer, I'll fry.

Untitled

Saturday
Has blown away,
Sunday is tomorrow-
Another day
To rest or play
So file away your sorrow!