If

If I could just walk
If I could just talk
If I grow just a tad
If I could join in the fad
If I didn't have braces
If I could go places
If I was first chair
If I could just spike my hair
If I had wheels
If I oozed sex-appeal
If I make the team
If I was eighteen
If I lived on my own
If I wasn't alone
If I had plastic money
If all found me funny
If part of a frat
If I just lost more fat
If I pass this exam
If I could just afford Spam
If I avoid being late
If I just graduate
If I get the position
If I bathe in commission
If I can just make her laugh
If I can just make this last
If I had more finesse
If she says 'yes!'
If she wouldn't char food
If she thought like a dude
If she would clam-up
  doll-up, wait-up, warm-up. . .
If we only had kids
If Junior just lives
If I purchase a mansion
If I survive the expansion
If I get out of debt
If I win the next bet
If I could afford my ambition
If I can outspend attrition
If my hair would hold tight 
If Junior'd get right
If I could retire
If I could rekindle the fire
If my joints didn't ache
If I could see straight
If she'd just outlive me
If Junior would love me
If I was still young
If I could just fill my lungs
If I could eat more than rice
If my bones weren't dry ice
If I could go back in time
If I could re-live this rhyme
If I wasn't lead to the crypt
By if