The New Scorn

Selfish relationships
    breed emotional masochism 
don't look me
        in the eye
don't humor 
        or hold me
don't try
   to protect me

grace is the new scorn
	coals on my head

please cross me   
      deny me  
    mock me
     neglect me
make me feel better
   about the way 
       I feel
    when I don't get
  my way
I hold the umbrella 
   	of my heart
                      inverted
    come fill it!
it's ballast
  you see?
	it's heavy
     it hurts
  but shovel that mud
I'll offload it later
	when the time is right
       but relish it now  
    
while it makes me 
      
feel better 
      than you.