Something's more wrong than Dick Cheney in a thong
The story this time's not The Onion's
Yet headlines are shamelessly feeding the world
The scoop on a famous one's bunions.
Their kids are stalked as viewers gawk,
Their wardrobes analyzed.
Why can't we leave well-to-do alone?
They only seem immortalized.
Continue to treat them like pieces of meat
Keep relishing each hot juicy jab
And be part of the reason each one spends a season
Recovering their wits in rehab.