A First

Tonight I can chalk
Up a first to my name-
In a small town arena
I witnessed a game
Played by men with large cankles
And funny shaped sticks
They knock down each other
But nobody kicks
Because every big foot
Is attached to a rail
That it slides on and glides on-
Smoothly, they sail
On to scramble and scrap
For a dense rubber chip
That looks like a snuff-can,
They crash and they flip,
Trying to get the can
Caught in a trap
Made of stiff twine
And blocked by a chap
With boxes for legs,
A cage on his head,
And fingerless hands-
He falls like he's dead
When the can is before him.
Then when the chip passes into the trap
Some people groan
And some people clap.

Canine Companionship

When I sit at my desk
And seek out some peace
In which to weave words together
It's amazing how the dog that
Now sleeps at my feet
Can calm a turbulent soul's
Stormy weather.

Rhymes

What is a rhyme
But two words keeping time
Harmonizing together
Sometimes skipping a line
Like hamburger buns
Hot off the griddle
They sandwich more words
Like they're beef in the middle.
But I could pull a fast one
Making lines rhyme with the last one
To keep readers guessing
A rhyme could be omitted
Then I'll pick it back up
With a line that is fitted.

Owned

To buy or rent
It's money spent-
The dilemma that's
Making me moan
Lies in the fact
That the bank wants a pact,
And with a loan you become
Fully owned.

Unloaded

The U-haul is empty
Our junk's in a cell
At the U Store It in Horseheads
Burglars, help yourself!

Back in NY

Back in New York,
We're both safe and sound
But still, my dear friends,
We are duty-bound-
We must answer tomorrow
A perilous call
And offload into storage
That seventeen-foot U-Haul.

On The Road Again

On the road again
I can't wait to get off
The road again
The life I love ain't lived at Super 8
I can't wait to get off
The road again.

A-Choo

Moving's a drag, man
It makes spirits sag, man
The dust fairy was quite rude
She piled it up high, dude
And all the dog hair that rests, yo
Beneath the queen bed and chests, bro
Makin' me cough, and then sneeze, too
Bust out the Febreeze, boo!

Tonight

After two weeks away
I'm home with my wife
Write more tonight?
Not on your life!

Alas!

Alas!  No poem for yesterday
It slipped my mind, what can I say?
I hope it doesn't happen again
But it could, so if and when
I'll just keep on writing anyway.

In Just Three Days

In just three days
I'm flying home
To get my Jenn
And what we own.
I can't wait to
Hold her tight,
And have her at
My side at night.
Man, I miss that
Hairy bitch
That we call Daisy
(Made you twitch!)
Our only child
Has four legs, see-
And misses playing
Fetch with me.
We'll pile our junk
Into a van
Then we'll hit
The road again.
It's overdue
And I can't wait
To move my girls
To the Empire State.

Victory in the Basement

This is actually another reverse-engineered song, bonus points to anyone who figures out which one!
----------------------------------------------


Victory in the basement
I did a load of laundry
I did not sort the clothes at all
'Cause I'm a lazy bum.
All the colors in to-gether
It didn't matter whether
They came out pink or blue or green
At least they all were clean!

Victory in the basement
My clothes smell like fresh flowers
The dirt, the funk, and all skid marks
Are gone for now at least.
They tumbled in the dryer
Now sing it with the choir:
It's on the net, now all folks know
My socks are white as snow.

In Good Sport

It's rough and tumble
Brothers bound by sweat and brawn
Rugby is awesome!

On St. Paddy's Day

Green is everywhere
Too much corned beef and cabbage
And your face may match.

[Dinner was great, actually!]

It's Saint Paddy's Day
I'm sure Al Gore is happy
Everything is green!

Homes on the Range

Strolling New York streets
A walker/Texas ranger
Looking at houses.

On Water Street

Gingerbread houses
Over two hundred years old
Live on Water Street

A Week Apart

I've forgotten a lot of things
Since the day that I was wed
Like how to wash the dishes
And how to make a bed.

I tried to brew a pot of coffee
It turned out like motor oil
I'm not sure how to fix my lunch,
I wrap everything in foil.

Soon I'll face what might turn out
To be my greatest quandary-
I'll swallow hard and try my hand
At a dad-gum load of laundry.

Where's the Heat?

Your houses are big and beautiful
And their residents really nice
Your rural countryside is grand
When blanketed with ice.
Holes in the wall on every corner
Serve up decent vittles
But, New York, there's something wrong-
And I won't speak in riddles:
When you call it spicy. . .
Friend, it's certainly not-
Your sausage isn't fiery,
And your salsa isn't hot!

See-yay what?

I'm in New York now
Where Y's precede your vowels
Key-all me a Tee-yex-yan.

From NY

From Cincinnatti
Across the heart of Columbus
And right on through Cleveland, I sped.
Once in Pennsylvania,
I skirted lake Eerie
The empire state was ahead.
I crossed the state line
Along route eighty-six
And that's when the going got tough-
For a state with high taxes
New York, it's a fact that
Some of your roads are too rough.

On the Road

Arkansas,  Tennessee
Missouri, and Kentucky
I've made it to Ohio
And now I'm really hungry!

Hello from Cincinnati, I need to go find dinner!

Leaving in My Dodge Ram

Sing along with the tune here:



My duffel is stuffed
And I've loaded the truck
I pat the dog, and give you a hug
I finish breakfast, then I take a leak
With a thousand miles to drive this week
A parting kiss I will leave on your cheek
Already I am two darn hours behind!

So fix me a fresh coffee
Add two sugars and some cream
Serve it up and then please let me go!
I'm leaving, in my Dodge Ram
In two weeks I'll be back again
Oooh! Babe you're on my toe!

I run down the stairs, then I run back up
Seven times, 'cause I forgot some stuff
Babe, where did you hide my dad gum keys?!
Everywhere I go, I'll still belong to you
My departure now is so overdue
Do I need to get down on my knees?!

So fix me a fresh coffee
Add two sugars and some cream
Serve it up and then please let me go!
I'm leaving, in my Dodge Ram
In two weeks I'll be back again
Oooh! Babe you're on my toe!

+++++++++++++++

Okay, so the third verse is censored (for her eyes only) I've already come too close to having my poetic license revoked!

Brandon and Slogan

I'll admit I got a bit carried away on this one, but you can't perfect every verse when you're trying to put out a poem every day!


Brandon and Slogan were
walking through town
when they spotted a lady
still in her night gown,
"Maybe it's Maybelline."
One said as she turned
"It can only be Jared!"
The other discerned
"No, it's the real thing!
"Should I talk to the girl?"
"Just do it, my friend!
 "Give her a whirl!"

As Brandon approached
A fatso rushed in,
Took the girl by the arm
And strode away with a grin
"You're in good hands," he said
as he pulled her away,
"And mmm  mmm mmm toasty!
"we need to find Kay!"
The lady yanked free
And sarcastically said
"Why Chevy, You are like a rock!
". . . .to my head!!"

"That's the quicker, thicker picker-upper!"-
(Slogan recognized the ass)
"And every kiss begins with Kay!
"Come now, Brandon!  Save the lass!"
"My name is Brandon Smucker,
"and I hail from Hollywood!"
The bully turned in fear toward him
"With a name like that, you must be good!"
Brandon pulled a slingshot
From the pocket of his shorts,
"I don't leave home without it!
"And I'm good at seven sports!
"If you don't think I'm serious
"Then have it your way, jerk!
"I've got a reputation,
"Just ask about it at work!"

The massive man began to dance-
"Da da da da dah- I'm lovin' it-
"You and your threats!
"Why don't you start shovin' it!?
"I eat the breakfast of champions
"And I'm reserving the right
"To reach out and touch someone
"Get out of my sight!
"You think you want a piece of this?
"A little dab'll do ya!
"When it rains, it pours from these two fists
"Come on, I'll sock it to ya!"

"Well I eat fresh!" Slogan yelled
"You don't want to mess with me!
"My big sis has friends in higher places
"Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee!!"
"But where's the beef you skinny shrimp?"
The oaf then shouted back
"This dame looks finger-lickin' good,
"And I'm taking her to my shack!"
At last the lady broke her silence,
"That's so easy a cave man could do it!
"Why don't you court me, you audacious brute?
"Come now, be a gentleman, hop to it!
"Besides," she said, looking overhead
"At the clock tower, starting to chime,
"You boys will all miss happy hour-
"Can't you see? . . . It's Miller time!"

03.06 (late) and My Postologies

03/06/2010

It's feeling like spring
In Marietta, Texas
I've caught the fever.


My Postologies

I have an excuse,
but I won't grovel
I stayed up so late
Writing my novel
And baking bread
For the road ahead.
So accept this post,
Though post-due it is,
And we'll all make the most
Of what reality is.

Who Knows?

Stupid is chronic
Ignorance is curable
Why would you cure bliss?

A Peeling

Voluptuous fruit
Smoothly begs to be bitten
My apple a day.

Constant Gardening

Does grass look greener
On the far side of the fence?
Cultivate your own.

Warts of Fame

Something's more wrong than Dick Cheney in a thong
The story this time's not The Onion's
Yet headlines are shamelessly feeding the world
The scoop on a famous one's bunions.

Their kids are stalked as viewers gawk,
Their wardrobes analyzed.
Why can't we leave well-to-do alone?
They only seem immortalized.

Continue to treat them like pieces of meat
Keep relishing each hot juicy jab
And be part of the reason each one spends a season
Recovering their wits in rehab.

Push It

Push the envelope
Push it as fast as you can
Still's stationary.

Weekend Out of Town

I haven't been slacking- for some reason my posting by phone never registered over our weekend in Texas, here are the weekend's shorts:

02/26/10
Murder mystery
Dinner with friends in Dallas
Lots of laughs and fun!

02/27/10
Oh Ben!  Oh Jerry!
I've just eaten half a pint
How my stomach churns.

02/28/10
It's almost midnight
I have to work tomorrow
Oh, to write or sleep?!